"When you are in deep conflict about something, sometimes the most trivial thing can tip the scales."
"Broadway has been very good to me. But then, I've been very good to broadway."
"You gotta have a gimmick."
"Who's happy these days?"
"When I'm asked how to succeed in show business, I always say I haven't the foggiest."
"There's such a thing as theater discipline. One player doesn't appropriate another's inventions."
"There have been people who have tried to take advantage of me. They want to be linked to me just because I'm Ethel Merman."
"The slapdash way producers used to assemble a show seems a little unbelievable when we talk about them now."
"Once I had all the attention, all I had to do was deliver."
"Of my four marriages, the one to Bob Levitt is the only one I don't regret."
"My father taught me to read music and play the piano-but not well, even though people have said that I'm a natural musician."
"My career at Warner Brothers consisted of one musical short subject. I was running around in a bear skin. Very chic."
"My beloved Mom and Pop always rated tops with each other, and that's the way it will always be."
"Music, in the past few years... anything singable or understandable is square."
"Mom claimed that I could carry a tune at 2 or 3 years of age. Maybe she was a little prejudiced."
"Mom and Pop were proud of my popularity, but from their point of view, show business was no way to make a living."
"Legend has it that when God created me, he gave me a big distinctive voice, a lot of boldness and no heart."
"In my case, things have pretty much been handed to me."
"If I feel in need of sleep, I just open a book or turn on the television. Both are better than any sleeping pill."
"I've never suffered stage fright. That fascinates people."
"I've never cooked. I can't do much more in the kitchen than make a cup of tea and some toast."
"I've made a wonderful living playing that theatrical character - the professional brassy dame."
"I'll pat myself on the back and admit I have talent. Beyond that, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time."
"I'll admit - I was honored to be on the cover of Time."
"I wouldn't trust any man as far as you can throw a piano."
