"If a man is happy in America, it is considered he is doing something wrong."
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
"Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?"
"There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court."
"Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away."
"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means."
"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."
"The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents and the second half by our children."
"As long as the world shall last there will be wrongs, and if no man objected and no man rebelled, those wrongs would last forever."
"To think is to differ."
"You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom."
"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it."
"I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of."
"I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means."
"I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure."
"Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt."
"You can only be free if I am free."
"The trouble with law is lawyers."
"Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat tails."
"The pursuit of truth will set you free; even if you never catch up with it."
"I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one."
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think."
"No other offense has ever been visited with such severe penalties as seeking to help the oppressed."
"I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood."
"True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else."