"He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
"If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it."
"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure."
"Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty."
"Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done."
"Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously."
"Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect."
"A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie."
"Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't."
"Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents."
"He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone."
"A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings."
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
"To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible."
"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking."
"One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills."
"Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
"The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election."
"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough."
"Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air."
"Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break."
"This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt."
"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen."
"Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back."
