"Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself."
"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it."
"If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you."
"Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing."
"Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?"
"Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice."
"I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another."
"I think I'd be pretty easy to write for."
"I'm not sure why writing for others became harder. Probably a reluctance to give away anything you might conceivably use yourself caused a block. I did it, but it remained hard when it had once been easy."
"It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear."
"Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house."
"The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show... Cops would come by - often just in time to see the act they wanted to see."
"There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?"
"To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is."
"Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it's painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it's extremely painful."
"Radio, which was a much better medium than television will ever be, was easy and pleasant to listen to. Your mind filled automatically with images."
"I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books."
"The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they'd word something or how they'd inflect it."
"I like when the ice gets thin, the going gets rough, the guests get edgy."
"I always wanted to live in a haunted house."
"Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the people who handle it know what they are doing."
"Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy."
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
"Great humorists are great insulters."
"You would have to be naive to think you can appear on television and not have the material edited in some way."
