"I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time, but I could go back now."
"When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him."
"They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best."
"I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk."
"When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die."
"I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think."
"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."
"A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre."
"For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable."
"I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right."
"I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation."
"I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck."
"I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you."
"HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it."
"My pilot's license. I'm proud of that."
"It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it."
"I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck."
"A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself."
"Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar."
"Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me."
"I don't get emails from my corporate overlords."
"I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now."
"I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman."
"I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job."
"All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals."
