"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
"It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living."
"It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone."
"'Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so."
"I'm glad a genre writer has got a knighthood, but stunned that it was me."
"I became a journalist at 17. A few hours later, I saw my first dead body, which was somewhat... colourful. That's when I learned you can go on throwing up after you run out of things to throw up."
"Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself."
"Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages."
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
"He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting 'All the Gods are bastards.'"
"You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look."
"They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance."
"Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong."
"Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong."
"Freedom without limits is just a word."
"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
"My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them."
"I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro."
"I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is."
"Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'"
"This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic."
"I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me."
"Never trust any complicated cocktail that remains perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds."
"I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did."
"'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger."
