"Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end."
"The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one."
"In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed."
"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius."
"When we could split the screen, it was like 'Wow!'."
"After all those years of doing a live, hour-and-a-half show every week, I've got nothing more I need to prove."
"The things I see now on TV and in movies are so outlandish. Kids doing rude things with pies! And the language that they use! It's being outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. I can't watch it. It turns me off."
"When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon."
"If I don't believe it, I don't care."
"People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'"
"If you listen to a language for 15 minutes, you know the rhythm and song."
"Every language has its own music."
