"I love America."
"Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list."
"My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance."
"I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with."
"I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture."
"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid."
"Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct."
"I've eaten things that didn't complain this much."
"I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me."
"We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!"
"I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?"
"The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work."
"Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer."
"Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish."
"I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time."
"You can have good writing, but a great actor will make it feel and sound like great writing. You can have great writing, and mediocre actors will make it feel mediocre. Without the actors, you have nothing."
"I actually like talking."
"I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen."
"No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about."
"Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh."
"Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it."
"With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head."
"The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them."
"You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't."
"For us as writers, it's really important to have songs we believe in - even before sometimes we shoot a scene. If we have a song that's so perfectly designed for a scene on 'Rescue Me,' we'll play it on loud speakers during the shooting. It helps the cameraman and it helps the director, and it helps the actors know what the feel is."
